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I watched them line dance, slow dance, and have a blast with each other. ” The DJ’s voice rang through the gym and I hid myself behind the balloons again while I watched all of the couples join up and hold each other on the dance floor. I never forgot what he did for me that evening and how beautiful I was able to feel for a few minutes. My friend wasn’t as ashamed to be at the dance without a date as I was and was right in the middle of the dance floor with everyone else having the time of her life. I looked down at the floor and bent over to fix a small rip in the hem of my skirt when I felt a warm hand on my shoulder. I remember seeing a flyer up in the hallway of my high school one day for the annual Spring Fling dance and automatically feeling defeated knowing in my heart that no one would ever ask me to it.I sat in the locker room after gym class turning green with envy as the other girls in the locker room would talk excitedly about their dates, hair, and tanning appointments for the upcoming dance. When would it be my time to get dressed up and feel like a princess for a night?I looked ridiculous and Mom’s smirk when she saw me getting ready to leave only confirmed the absurdity of what I was wearing.I was so nervous to walk into the gymnasium that evening; I didn’t know how to act, how to talk, or how to stop itching my skin under that giant sweater.“Just relax and have a good time.” Easier said than done. He put his arms on my shoulders and I put my arms awkwardly around his waist and we swayed back and forth together in perfect sync until the song was finished.
The more I wrote, the more I realized that I wasn’t necessarily scared of being made fun of, or teased, or judged by people; ultimately, I was scared of trusting someone and ending up getting hurt.
Early adulthood wasn’t easy either because everyone I met was a manifestation of my mother or one of my childhood peers; judging me and waiting to make fun of me and put me down.
I was scared to go and try and make friends, scared to speak to people and look into their eyes, and scared to even begin to fathom that I was worth anything more than a piece of garbage.
I felt like everyone’s eyes turned to me when I walked through the gymnasium doors and I could just imagine the jokes and the harsh comments they were saying about me as I walked by.
My friend grabbed my arm, “Don’t worry about them,” she whispered. ” I didn’t even think; I just stood up straight and let Corey lead me onto the dance floor.