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Click Here to Download Your FREE Cheat-Sheet I’m all of like two feet tall. If you’re wondering why I’m so funny, it’s because I used to be fat. And I’ve already failed all my exams sooooo You can use me to get to my mom. I’m actually looking for the one girl that dislikes to laugh and hates good music. If I ever find myself face to face with a tider then I’m likely in trouble so drop the camera and GET HELP! You only get three great women in your life, my mom and grandma are two… I’ll sexually disappoint you but it’ll be a journey for both of us. I want to do adult things with you…*whispers* taxes*panting softly* pay the mortgage*moans* make sure we turned off all the lights, our electricity bill was 300 f*cking dollars this month Just doing this because my boyfriend did. a girl in 1912 has her naked body drawn in a sketchbook by a random dude that no one’s ever heard of, locks the drawing in a safe on a boat, the BOAT SINKS, and her nude picture STILL ends upon television 84 years later. Looking for someone to bring to family events so they’ll stop thinking something’s wrong with me I’m here to avoid friends on Facebook. I am a little freaky at times…but no one has stepped up to the plate to explore that side of me. Let’s be honest I’m on Tinder and my first picture is of me in a bikini, I’m not looking for a relationship or a friend. You only get three great women in your life, my mom and grandma are two, you’ll be the third. But who’s caring, because let’s be honest, you’re gonna swipe right coz I’m fit. At first when people found out they called me a freak, now they just call me, all the time. Gonna get tattoos of dogs on my arms and then get really buff so when I a fly cutie I can be like “excuse me, but do you know where a vet is? If you’re waiting for the opportune moment to talk to me… Some of them are pretty entertaining, but does a good bio actually achieve anything at the end of the day, is it going to get you a date or hookup? And then even if she does read your bio, unless there’s something oustanding (or underwhelming) in there, it’s generally your photos that will be the major influencer.because I’ve got some SICK PUPPIES” and then I’ll flex so hard my shirt sleeves rip and they’re blown away by my arms, my devotion to dogs and my sense of humour Professional Eugoogoolizer at the Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can’t Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too. I’m just going to answer the question for you: yes they are real.. If you want to have fun and flirty conversations that lead to dates and hookups, you MUST send a great first message that makes a girl take notice of you. The main instances when a girl will read your bio is after you send them an opener or when she wants to send you the first message – she’ll do a little background check to find something to say (guy’s take note, read their profile as well! So including some bio information that will be a conversation point is a good idea.Carefully written, fact-checked essay in the streets, unmoderated comments section in the sheets. If you don’t do that, you’re just going to be ignored and rejected. But if you can’t think of anything to write, a unique photo to help spark conversation can also have the same effect.Now, I realize it’s hard to come up with clever messages, but here’s a little secret: You don’t have to! From the hundreds of Tinder profile improvement reviews and testing that we’ve done, here are the biggest mistakes you need to avoid: If you’re in doubt whether to add in a piece of information or funny comment, leave it out!You gotta marry someone you know you’d still be down to fuck in the laundry room real quick while the kids are downstairs watching Lion King & ten minutes left till the dinosaur nuggets are read to come out the oven. Skills I have acquired over a very long sexual career. I can nail an arrow in the back of your skull at over 100 yards. PS: all I eat is mozzarella sticks, Doritos, and di*k. Boys call me Dumbledore cause I’m the head master The C and the L are silent. It may make me sound like a whore, but as long as you open and hold my door, I will straight up fuck you then and there on the floor Women seeks hostile man for mutual psychological torture, co-dependency and future divorce. If your dog is cute, I’ll probably look through your photos twice and I’ll still kiss you after you give me a rim job and I do a lot of yoga. I’d like to cover you in peanut butter and see how much I could lick off before my peanut butter allergy killed me. The only thing that’s not goofy about me is my stance. I’m [Your Name] and I cuddle at a level that should require a paid subscription. one night older Hobbies: boning your mom and getting shredded. If you like protein shakes, and getting caught at the gym, if you’re not into crossfit, if you have half a brain, if you like making gains at midnight, while curling in the squat rack, I’m the love that you’ve looked for, message me and be swole m8It’s tinder, let’s be real you just want my tits I don’t know who you are. I’m not the type of girl you have to hold in farts for, but rather the type of girl you want to hold in farts for. Every single time a man sleeps with a lot of women, he’s called a stud. My tits and I have one thing in common and that’s we’re a little bit more than a handful. I love cookies, anal and milk If you like your women like you like your microwaves look no further: Cool on the outside. I like long walks down the beach and …I just wanna make out, cuddle in baggy clothes while watching movies and I dunno maybe put my hand down your pants… You can also find me on Sniffr (it’s like Tinder but for dogs)5 Stars: “A perfect gentleman” – Anonymous Tinder woman.5 Stars: “Made 50 Shades of Grey seem as tame as the Teletubbies” – Anonymous Tinder Woman1 Star: “Stop asking me for a review you weirdo” – Anonymous Tinder Woman5 Stars: “So sweet” – Mark’s mum So you’re looking for ‘the one’ huh? but you’ll be so sexually starved when you do that you’ll fu*k him on the first date, he will lose interest, the sweet texts will stop and you’ll be all alone with your pizza rolls swiping left and right again while he dates someone that’s challenging enough to keep his interest for longer than a weekend. The slowest drink at the saddest bar on the snowiest day in the greatest city.
The only thing I can compare this movie to, is one of those TV shows from the 90's, with slightly better actors I must admit.
Because I have a killer list of clever Tinder openers waiting for you. A great bio may help your Tinder results slightly, but a poor bio will definitely devastate any chance of success.
You see, when I was developing my Tinder game I used to scour the web for content to use. Shirtless gym selfies, cut-off tee gym selfies, pull-my-shirt-up gym selfies, mid-workout gym selfies. Married, couple of kids, looking for some side action. If you want to break through the Tinder jungle and have flirty Tinder conversations, you need some serious firepower.
I’ve learnt that men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny… Gag reflex as absent as my father figure I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him if he’s going to eat the rest of that pizza. Mainly because you love me but also because I believe in no sex before marriage and curiosity is killing you. Just to clarify I am single and I don’t need to chew when eating a banana. My nickname is Gillette because I’m the best a man can get. I hate playing head games unless they involve the mouth. Which means I know how to ride a di** but I’m still not sure how taxes work. I work at subway so I’m pretty much an expert on 6 inches and I make some damn good sandwiches.
If I see you without an erection, I’ll make you a sandwich. Lonely vagina seeks penis to be friends with and maybe more Voted most likely to steal your man. About me: Let me bitch at you every day until you sort your shit out. We get married and on our wedding night we’re about to get down and dirt when suddenly I pull up my dress and expose my penis. Looking for a man to cum inside me so I can wipe my goopy vagina along the kitchen floor and pretend I am a slug.