Appropriate behavior for dating

Realize these three elements form a complex -- and self-reinforcing -- cocktail.

A cocktail that is beyond the ability of the authors to explain, except to say that it both a powerful motivational force for the blamer as well as something that he/she is dedicated to protecting at all costs.

Repercussions that the blamer doesn't believe he/she 'deserved.' (Being judgmental of both self and others is common among blamers). Another way the blamer commonly will try to avoid taking responsibility for unpleasant results is by telling him/herself something along the lines of "If my boss wasn't such a nagger about being back from lunch on time I wouldn't have had to try to cross the street." Somehow magically it becomes the bosses fault that the blamer got hit by a car.

But here is where things get squishy, although avoiding external repercussions would appear to be the motive (e.g.

trying to blame the driver for insurance purposes), the main goal of blaming others is to protect not just one's own emotions or ego, but apparently one's philosophy.

And that is where this behavior becomes both self-reinforcing and self-perpetuating.

In that model if something doesn't work then the approach is to change strategy/evaluation. This loop takes on a different form in the blamer's reality.

This is partly because 'evaluation' is run through a couple of other filters.

This creates a one way flow that serves the purpose to 1) protect the blamer's core beliefs, 2) meet the blamer's desires or 3) in accordance to his/her emotional state at the time.

Upon arriving at the red right (and despite the cross traffic), the person decides to cross any way.

This is a selfish decision (while there might be a legitimate reason to cross, most jaywalking really is based in impatience -- which could be any mix of the cocktail).

And as long as they are getting benefit from it -- whether monetary, emotional, comfort, entertainment or psychological stability -- they will continue to engage in those actions.

But realize that most of the time the person is too busy doing the behavior to see their actions in this context.

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